Turn your mother down

Turn your mother down

Psychologist and author M. Scott Peck observes, "To a child, his or her
parents represent the world. He assumes that the way his parents do
things is the way things are done."

In Dr. Martin Seligman's studies of optimism and pessimism, he found
out the same thing: We learn how to explain the world to ourselves from
our parents—and more specifically, our mothers.

"This tells us that young children listen to what their primary caretaker
(usually the mother) says about causes," writes Seligman, "and they
tend to make this style their own. If the child has an optimistic mother,
this is great, but it can be a disaster for the child if the child has a
pessimistic mother." Fortunately, Seligman's studies show that the
disaster need only be temporary—that optimism can be learned...at any
age.

But it is not self-motivating to blame Mom if you find yourself to be a
pessimist. What works better is self-creation: to produce a voice in your
head that's so confident and strong that your mother's voice gets edited
out, and your own voice becomes the only one you hear.

And as much as you want to eliminate the continuing influence of a
pessimistic adult from your childhood, remember that blaming someone
else never motivates you because it strengthens the belief that your life
is being shaped by people outside yourself. Love your mom (she learned
her pessimism from her mother)—and change yourself.

I'm reading: Turn your mother down